just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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