Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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