I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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