Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
