did you get engaged???
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
