doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
