it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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