Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
