Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
