I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
