Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
