my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
