I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ketchup is God's man juice
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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