I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
