My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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