My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
