the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
