the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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