So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
