I just saw a hot homeless man
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
