she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Two words: nipple clamps
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