Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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