You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
