Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
