you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
