my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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