ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I need a burrito and a hug.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
