I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
