Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
