when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
