I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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