just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just made out with a guy for $7.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
