we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
