I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
