so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
