just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
