I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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