i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
