I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
