I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
