it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
