How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
