Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
