He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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