It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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