end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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