How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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