I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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