so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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