Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
