yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You took a bar mat shot.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
