Need sex. Gaining weight.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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