So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
