I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
