How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
