Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
